15 Sept 2017
The motorway turn off was approaching. As I slowed down and indicated to move left, another small van in front was slowing too. I looked up. Instinct I suppose. My heart jumped. A semitrailer (18 wheelers we call them) was bearing down on me so fast, it would hit me if I didn't engage some evasive action. I swerved to the left. The truck missed me by only a metre or so. My heart was pounding. I had only another 10 km to the PTSD course to go, and here I was having a near miss incident and flash back of a similar incident from Iraq. Drive, just drive.
Trucks over there would routinely drive on both sides of the road, and try to run our convoys off the road. It was terrifying. Now I was just saying ''breath, just breath...its ok...your safe".
Once I arrived at the course, and had parked the car, ignition off; the nausea started. "Its ok, just a physical reaction to fear", I kept repeating to myself. Just breath. I didn't through up, thankfully.
Now six weeks into the course. Only another six weeks to go. Its painful. Losing 3 days a week of farming work is only making the other 4 days on farm harder to keep up with routine here. But I keep saying its a short term pain for a longer term gain...the amount of benefit from the psycho education is only beneficial if put into practice. This I am actively doing. I don't wont to have to do this course again!
Mindfullness. This is a concept of psycho education I use to help with Rumination. What's that? ( I hear someone ask). Its having repeated unpleasant thoughts of past events...intrusive thoughts about incidents, events, flashbacks. Constant memories.
I simply say - Go to the corner...ie - send my vision to the corner of a room. Focus on that corner, and nothing else, until the thoughts pass. FOCUS. It works. It takes some practice but it works. This is just one concept I use to help control the painful thoughts associated with depression and PTSD.
Ok some better news.
I have broody hens, sitting upon 12 fertile eggs. Very exciting to see mother nature working her magic. Hoping for 12 healthy chicks, with a handsome rooster in there somewhere. So how did I get fertile eggs? Well the lady who does the doggy day care for Rex gave them to me. This will begin the breeding program I plan for fertiliser production here on farm...lots of chooks doing lots of pooh!
And what will happen to the other roosters? - well I only need one - and I do like chicken soup.
Right know Bonne- Bonne is chatting away on the porch to the other male Ringneck. Like he notices! But it is cute, until she tells him "hey little shit"... (I should watch my language around her!) So far the ringneck eggs are still cooking away - and their mummy I still a feral little c...
As the weather here bypasses early Spring and jumps into early Summer, with morning temperature fluctuating from 18 degrees Celsius, back down to 6, the irrigation is becoming my main task, and will be until some rain arrives. Maybe in October? We now have a full fire ban in place for SE QLD, and this will mean no burning off at night. So I'll have to start chipping the pruning's instead. Two out of three dams are now bone dry, and Rex will soon loose his swimming hole as well. The cutting back of dry grass is now just as important as getting water, if just to keep snakes away from the house, and the birds.
So a run on the John Deere tractor earlier in week saw the front dam cleared of dry grass and weeds, and now looks like an empty volcano crater. But with luck summer rains will fill it again.
Who would of though doing wheelies on a 2WD tractor could be such fun. It sure was.
The motorway turn off was approaching. As I slowed down and indicated to move left, another small van in front was slowing too. I looked up. Instinct I suppose. My heart jumped. A semitrailer (18 wheelers we call them) was bearing down on me so fast, it would hit me if I didn't engage some evasive action. I swerved to the left. The truck missed me by only a metre or so. My heart was pounding. I had only another 10 km to the PTSD course to go, and here I was having a near miss incident and flash back of a similar incident from Iraq. Drive, just drive.
Trucks over there would routinely drive on both sides of the road, and try to run our convoys off the road. It was terrifying. Now I was just saying ''breath, just breath...its ok...your safe".
Once I arrived at the course, and had parked the car, ignition off; the nausea started. "Its ok, just a physical reaction to fear", I kept repeating to myself. Just breath. I didn't through up, thankfully.
Now six weeks into the course. Only another six weeks to go. Its painful. Losing 3 days a week of farming work is only making the other 4 days on farm harder to keep up with routine here. But I keep saying its a short term pain for a longer term gain...the amount of benefit from the psycho education is only beneficial if put into practice. This I am actively doing. I don't wont to have to do this course again!
Mindfullness. This is a concept of psycho education I use to help with Rumination. What's that? ( I hear someone ask). Its having repeated unpleasant thoughts of past events...intrusive thoughts about incidents, events, flashbacks. Constant memories.
I simply say - Go to the corner...ie - send my vision to the corner of a room. Focus on that corner, and nothing else, until the thoughts pass. FOCUS. It works. It takes some practice but it works. This is just one concept I use to help control the painful thoughts associated with depression and PTSD.
Ok some better news.
I have broody hens, sitting upon 12 fertile eggs. Very exciting to see mother nature working her magic. Hoping for 12 healthy chicks, with a handsome rooster in there somewhere. So how did I get fertile eggs? Well the lady who does the doggy day care for Rex gave them to me. This will begin the breeding program I plan for fertiliser production here on farm...lots of chooks doing lots of pooh!
And what will happen to the other roosters? - well I only need one - and I do like chicken soup.
Right know Bonne- Bonne is chatting away on the porch to the other male Ringneck. Like he notices! But it is cute, until she tells him "hey little shit"... (I should watch my language around her!) So far the ringneck eggs are still cooking away - and their mummy I still a feral little c...
As the weather here bypasses early Spring and jumps into early Summer, with morning temperature fluctuating from 18 degrees Celsius, back down to 6, the irrigation is becoming my main task, and will be until some rain arrives. Maybe in October? We now have a full fire ban in place for SE QLD, and this will mean no burning off at night. So I'll have to start chipping the pruning's instead. Two out of three dams are now bone dry, and Rex will soon loose his swimming hole as well. The cutting back of dry grass is now just as important as getting water, if just to keep snakes away from the house, and the birds.
So a run on the John Deere tractor earlier in week saw the front dam cleared of dry grass and weeds, and now looks like an empty volcano crater. But with luck summer rains will fill it again.
Who would of though doing wheelies on a 2WD tractor could be such fun. It sure was.
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