11 March 2018
51 weeks ago I was still in the Army. Just about to leave my final posted location. I was terrified.
Now almost 1 year later, I am sitting here eating a bacon sandwich, drinking a morning coffee, and writing up my weekly blog to people all over the world. So what has happened? Too much to surmise in one weekly entry, but needless to say, I have healed. The journey over the last 12 months has been incredible. Yes I still get the black thoughts, the pressing pain of feeling a failure, but I can now tell myself its not real, that the pain is just a physical reaction from a memory stored in my Hippocampus, and an associated feeling response from my Amygdala....WOW bet you didn't expect that this morning!
Well it goes to show how well a course of psychotherapy education can be in helping to deal with painful memories. You see I was depressed, and discharged from Army with both PTSD and clinical depression disorder. Now I am in recovery, and although the depression has definitely lifted, we still have the PTSD - but I am coping so much better. And why? Because now I understand.
This farm has been the stepping stone for that healing, along with the security it has provided for accommodation, it gives me peace - total peace.
A journey into the unknown is always a stressful event, but coming here to this place just felt right.
So here we are 12 months later, on the brink of beginning a new career, as a self employed farmer. The harvest is starting to come in and every morning I wake at 5:30 (ish) to sounds of the bush, the farm, and generally a peaceful location. And yes the sounds of .....REX.
WAKE. UP. MUM. woof, yelp, woof FEED. ME. - every. single. morning. Who needs another child?
Now it snores on the rug at my feet.
Rex has adapted so well to living here, that even a run down in car to open chook pen cant keep him still. He follows me everywhere. Swims in anything wet/liquid, and sleeps at any opportunity. And would eat anything given the chance. But at a healthy 32 kg, he is a fine specimen of Labrador.
So the WWOOFAs have left, on to Brisbane, and the next exciting news is we are to interview two new workers for farm next week. It has now come to point where I need paid help. The harvest wont stop for anyone, despite the weather, so picking up by racking out rows is all I can do at the moment. The ground is just too damn wet for the tractor/harvester to go out. It would just sink in soil. Its just a work hazard I have to deal with. And here's the thing - I am dealing with it.....you see that stress is not tipping me over the edge any more. That's what stress does when you have PTSD. It just pushes you past point of no coping return....but not any more. So the new workers will hopefully start after next weeks blog entry, so Ill update you all on that then.
Fencing - my next big issue as we need to get the goats out of their Taj Mahal cottage and out onto some pasture to eat. We have too many unused areas of fencing here on farm, so they will need to all be reset across the lower orchards - new worker task! And then its onto planting the next orchard of Finger Limes. A beautiful batch of 60 healthy plants to go in - another new worker task! So you see there is plenty of work to do. But one job I am really looking forward to seeing get done is the chicken coop being built...the "chook casino" will be up on stilts and attached to lower shed, lined with chook wire, with a gated run and six nesting boxes, and have enough room to comfortably house up to 50 hens. That's a lot of fresh eggs every day, but it will be worth it. No more crawling under a cottage to retrieve a broody hens efforts.
And once the new coop is built the two adopted chicks can be relocated from off the back porch.
Yes chooks on the back porch is not an un-smelly enterprise, but its only temporary. Next week I plan to have some pictures of that new casino setup...fingers crossed.
51 weeks ago I was still in the Army. Just about to leave my final posted location. I was terrified.
Now almost 1 year later, I am sitting here eating a bacon sandwich, drinking a morning coffee, and writing up my weekly blog to people all over the world. So what has happened? Too much to surmise in one weekly entry, but needless to say, I have healed. The journey over the last 12 months has been incredible. Yes I still get the black thoughts, the pressing pain of feeling a failure, but I can now tell myself its not real, that the pain is just a physical reaction from a memory stored in my Hippocampus, and an associated feeling response from my Amygdala....WOW bet you didn't expect that this morning!
Well it goes to show how well a course of psychotherapy education can be in helping to deal with painful memories. You see I was depressed, and discharged from Army with both PTSD and clinical depression disorder. Now I am in recovery, and although the depression has definitely lifted, we still have the PTSD - but I am coping so much better. And why? Because now I understand.
This farm has been the stepping stone for that healing, along with the security it has provided for accommodation, it gives me peace - total peace.
A journey into the unknown is always a stressful event, but coming here to this place just felt right.
So here we are 12 months later, on the brink of beginning a new career, as a self employed farmer. The harvest is starting to come in and every morning I wake at 5:30 (ish) to sounds of the bush, the farm, and generally a peaceful location. And yes the sounds of .....REX.
WAKE. UP. MUM. woof, yelp, woof FEED. ME. - every. single. morning. Who needs another child?
Now it snores on the rug at my feet.
Rex has adapted so well to living here, that even a run down in car to open chook pen cant keep him still. He follows me everywhere. Swims in anything wet/liquid, and sleeps at any opportunity. And would eat anything given the chance. But at a healthy 32 kg, he is a fine specimen of Labrador.
So the WWOOFAs have left, on to Brisbane, and the next exciting news is we are to interview two new workers for farm next week. It has now come to point where I need paid help. The harvest wont stop for anyone, despite the weather, so picking up by racking out rows is all I can do at the moment. The ground is just too damn wet for the tractor/harvester to go out. It would just sink in soil. Its just a work hazard I have to deal with. And here's the thing - I am dealing with it.....you see that stress is not tipping me over the edge any more. That's what stress does when you have PTSD. It just pushes you past point of no coping return....but not any more. So the new workers will hopefully start after next weeks blog entry, so Ill update you all on that then.
Fencing - my next big issue as we need to get the goats out of their Taj Mahal cottage and out onto some pasture to eat. We have too many unused areas of fencing here on farm, so they will need to all be reset across the lower orchards - new worker task! And then its onto planting the next orchard of Finger Limes. A beautiful batch of 60 healthy plants to go in - another new worker task! So you see there is plenty of work to do. But one job I am really looking forward to seeing get done is the chicken coop being built...the "chook casino" will be up on stilts and attached to lower shed, lined with chook wire, with a gated run and six nesting boxes, and have enough room to comfortably house up to 50 hens. That's a lot of fresh eggs every day, but it will be worth it. No more crawling under a cottage to retrieve a broody hens efforts.
And once the new coop is built the two adopted chicks can be relocated from off the back porch.
Yes chooks on the back porch is not an un-smelly enterprise, but its only temporary. Next week I plan to have some pictures of that new casino setup...fingers crossed.
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